Where goofs and all things goofy gather to goof.
July 25th, 2014
March 4th, 2014
I call him Fur Face.
February 10th, 2014
I found a papal bull in my toilet paper!
January 18th, 2014
…tests, of course, but that’s not as goofy.
December 28th, 2013
placed by the GLRCA (Garbage-loving Raccoon Council of America).
December 12th, 2013
unless you wake up with this guy, in which case, regret everything.
December 8th, 2013
December 1st, 2013
November 20th, 2013
November 17th, 2013
In this picture your mayor is standing on the second floor of Franz Hall at the University of Portland, eating an apple. About to enter an event, she looks around for a trashcan to ditch the core. And finds one, directly below her, on the first floor. She considered simply dropping it, satisfying that urge that some people feel to throw balls (that led to the invention of sports) to see if it will “make it,” whether it be a hole in the ground, a rim on a backboard or a catcher’s mitt. Because people like to play games with balls, and like to watch other people playing with balls, that’s all there is to it. They like to witness a dramatic conflict that ends in win and loss and cheer or moan about it.
Your mayor was tempted, and thought it might be goofy for someone on the ground floor to see an apple core drop out of the air—but only if it hit the wastebasket. If it hit the floor, it would just be your mayor hurtling garbage from the railing of a Catholic University. And she’d have to run and retrieve it, kind of a p.s. to the losing throw itself.
But if you don’t throw, you never know. Whether you would have made it or not. So do you take a risk and maybe make a fool of yourself (twice), or just go for the glory?
The query is: What would you do? Throw or not throw?
August 18th, 2013
A short story of anticipation, heartbreak, and resignation.
I had gone to 826 Valencia to pick up a bootful of lard, when I found the pirate store “quite closed.” Nooo! It cannot be that, like so many only-in-San Francisco marvels, this too was biting the dust. I thought perhaps it was a Burning Man thing, but was heartened to see it would reopen in short order—on 8/26, numerologically enough. I was disappointed but relieved.
I walked home clutching my boot, empty of lard, to my heart.
May 11th, 2013
April 23rd, 2013
I do, Bennett, but I can’t take the first step because I also have restless leg syndrome.
April 2nd, 2013
March 6th, 2013
Do I have to learn Chinese?